September 22, 2003

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I just wanna be clear that I'm here

as a last resort.

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I understand.

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I don't have a lot of faith

in psychiatry as a science.

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I think some of the drugs

you're pushing are interesting.

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And I'm all for messing around

with brain chemistry.

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I mean, that's all I got

from high school.

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But, in my experience,

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popping pills doesn't relieve

social anxiety quite as well as say...

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bourbon and Marvin Gaye.

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Now I get it.

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You're desperate and I'm full of hooey.

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So in the worlds of Marvin Gaye,

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what's going on?

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Everything I say is confidential, right?

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Whatever you say

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stays in this room.

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Kinda like Vegas.

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Well, if you except there's no way

you're leaving here with more money than

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when you came in.

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Yeah, like Vegas.

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Anyway,

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last night I'm out

with my stupid lame-ass brother.

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Sounds like you've got

some anger towards him.

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Oh, you're good.

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This is nice.

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You and me, spending time together.

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Why don't we do this more often?

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I don't have an answer.

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Hmm, me neither.

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So, how long 'til the movie starts?

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Uh, about 20 minutes.

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Yeah, sure,

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20 minutes not counting previews and ads,

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the popcorn and the

giant pretzel-holding hands.

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The big soda, drinking the little soda,

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which frankly is cannibalism.

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And the always welcome reminder

to turn off your cellphones and shut up

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but nobody ever does because, let's face it,

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good manners are just the latest casualty in

the ongoing collapse of Western civilization.

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I now have an answer.

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I miss Jake.

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How can you miss him?

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We just dropped him off

at his friend's house.

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By the way, if you ever get tired

of those magazines under your bed,

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the kid's mom looked fairly do-able.

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Forget the mom.

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Did you see how happy Jake was

to be spending the weekend away from me?

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Why would you think that?

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Just because he jumped out of the car

while it was still moving?

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Come on, Alan,

he was happy to see his friends.

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Being away from you is just...

gravy.

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I know. I know.

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It's natural for him to want to spend more

time with his peers than his parents. But...

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all the same...

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it's sad.

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Yeah.

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Sunrise, sunset.

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One day, you're holding

a little baby in your arms,

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and the next day, he's off

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hocking loogies and lighting farts

with a bunch of Ritalin-addled sixth graders.

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Why do I bother trying

to share my feelings with you?

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I don't know.

It's not like I encourage it.

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Oh, come on.

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So your kid doesn't

need you like he used to.

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That's a good thing.

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You can spend your weekends

enjoying yourself.

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That's true. And...

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there's things I want to do

that I haven't had time for.

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Like that kid's mom.

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No, no, I mean like...

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like reading

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finally cracking open the classics.

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Alan, if you want to crack something open,

I recommend that kid's mom.

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No, no, I'm serious.

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For years, I have been wishing

that I had time to read all the great books.

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Dostoyevsky, and

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Hemingway,

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Faulkner, and

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and Dickens, and Shakespeare

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and history! History: U.S. history,

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world history, the history of language.

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I mean, why doesn't anyone

speak Sumerian anymore?

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I don't know because

I haven't read the book!

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And, oh, oh... poetry, poetry!

Byron, and Keats, and Shelley!

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And biographies! Oh!

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Julius Caesar, and Abraham Lincoln,

and, oh, Groucho Marx!

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I mean, look at them all!

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Look at them!

They're mocking me!

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I haven't read any of them!

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Okay, well, just pick one for now.

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Why bother?!

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There's not enough time!

There's too many books and not enough time!

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Maybe you just need a system.

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You know, put a book next to the toilet,

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and every couple of days or so,

you knock out a couple of chapters and-

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No, no! It's too late for me!

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There's not enough bowel movements left!

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Maybe you need to change your diet.

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No, it's hopeless!

100

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Jake will be grown up soon and I'll be dead.

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And you know what I'll have left behind?

102

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A life of unfulfilled dreams,

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a shelf of unread books,

104

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and 3 unopened seasons

of Six Feet Under on DVD.

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So what are you doing tonight?

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Episode 3x12

That special tug

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Transcript : Raceman

108

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Synchro : Relaxx

109

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Corrections: Bouliii + nColas

110

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All right.

111

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So your brother had a panic attack

in the middle of a bookstore.

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How'd that make you feel?

113

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What the hell do my feelings

have to do with anything?

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Why don't you just humor me?

115

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Well, I felt a little ashamed.

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Because you felt

that his behavior reflected on you?

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No, because I left him there.

118

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You left him?

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Not permanently.

120

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I came back and got him after he was

all cried out and it was time for the movie.

121

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So you still went to the movie?

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Yeah, I bought the tickets online.

They don't refund those.

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Red Vine?

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No, thank you.

125

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I am so sorry.

I don't know what came over me.

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Nah.

127

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Who among us hasn't collapsed,

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weeping, in the middle of a bookstore

for no apparent reason?

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You know,

I think maybe I'd be better off at home.

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So I'm supposed to miss the movie

just because you had a nervous breakdown?

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Well, kinda.

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Don't you think that's

a little selfish, Alan?

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It's just,

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all of a sudden,

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I felt crushed by

this unbelievable sense of grief,

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like my entire life has been

an exercise in a pathetic futility.

137

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Well, I wouldn't rule it out.

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Come on, bunky, cheer up.

Have a Red Vine.

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I don't want a Red Vine.

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-Sno-Cap?

-No.

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-Raisinets?

-No.

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-Goobers?

-How much crap did you buy?!

143

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They couldn't change a hundred.

144

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All right, I'll have a Junior Mint.

145

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I didn't get Junior Mints.

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Of course not.

147

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Story of my life.

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No Junior Mints for Alan...

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just Goobers.

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Goobers, Goobers, Goobers.

151

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Dude, dude, you need to be quiet.

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Why? Why?

153

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The first amendment gives me the right

to yell "Goobers" in a crowded theater.

154

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Goobers!

155

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Hey, look.

156

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Movie quiz. Let's play the movie quiz.

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I don't want to play the movie quiz.

158

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Come on, it'll be fun.

I'll bet you're good at it.

159

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All right, all right.

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"Debra Winger and Richard Gere

161

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starred in An Officer and a blank."

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Oh, please!

163

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You need a hint?

164

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There's a hint upside down in the corner.

165

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No, I don't need a hint!

166

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I know the answer!

Everybody here knows the answer!

167

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Everybody on the planet knows the answer!

We're not stupid!

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Chill, chill.

169

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Oh, wait, here's another brain teaser.

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"Steven Spielberg directed

this modern retelling

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of the H.G. Wells classic

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War of the blank."

173

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Uh, uh, couch!

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War of the Couch!

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Stop it.

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Oh, no, no, I got it!

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War of the blow it out your ass!

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You know, maybe you're right.

Maybe we should go.

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Wait, no, I know this one.

180

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"Johnny Depp cruised to success

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in this comedy-action film

182

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inspired by a Disneyland attraction."

183

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Pirates of the blow it out your ass!

184

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He's behind on his reading.

185

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Oh, oh, and let's not forget

186

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Judy Garland in that immortal classic

187

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The Wizard of blow it out your ass!

188

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That sounds like quite an episode.

189

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Is your brother seeing a therapist?

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How would I know?

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He's your brother. He lives with you.

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So?

193

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All right, go ahead.

194

00:08:07,087 --> 00:08:09,698

Just because I took him in

doesn't mean I have to listen to him.

195

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I understand.

196

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He just whines about the same crap

over and over.

197

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O kay.

198

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It's not even interesting crap.

199

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It's the crap that bores the crap

out of crap.

200

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I got it.

201

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It's crap. Go ahead.

202

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Thank you.

203

00:08:26,207 --> 00:08:28,516

So we're driving home and...

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This seat is very comfortable.

205

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Genuine leather,

206

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nine-way adjustable,

207

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lumbar support...

208

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I wish I'd spent a few extra bucks

209

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and gotten the ejection package.

210

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I said I was sorry.

211

00:08:50,447 --> 00:08:51,801

They don't refund those tickets, Alan.

212

00:08:55,362 --> 00:08:56,263

I want to go see Jake.

213

00:08:56,710 --> 00:08:58,624

Why? He's at a sleepover.

214

00:08:58,880 --> 00:09:00,951

I just got this feeling that he needs me.

215

00:09:02,138 --> 00:09:03,828

Really? Some sort of telepathic thing?

216

00:09:03,829 --> 00:09:04,605

Exactly.

217

00:09:04,732 --> 00:09:05,554

I see.

218

00:09:06,932 --> 00:09:07,829

Ow!

219

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Did you know I was gonna do that?

220

00:09:10,267 --> 00:09:10,974

No.

221

00:09:11,188 --> 00:09:13,099

Then I wouldn't trust your psychic powers.

222

00:09:15,017 --> 00:09:17,636

Come on.

We can just stop by for a few minutes.

223

00:09:17,680 --> 00:09:19,843

We have time now

since we decided to skip the movie.

224

00:09:21,081 --> 00:09:23,535

Oh, we decided that, did we?

225

00:09:23,643 --> 00:09:25,387

That's the way it went down for you, huh?

226

00:09:25,575 --> 00:09:27,399

That's how you interpret recent events?!

227

00:09:27,418 --> 00:09:29,414

Whoa, whoa, settle down.

228

00:09:29,455 --> 00:09:30,878

You're acting like a crazy person.

229

00:09:31,088 --> 00:09:31,915

Me?!

230

00:09:32,001 --> 00:09:33,648

I'm acting like a crazy person?!

231

00:09:33,808 --> 00:09:35,350

Are you freaking kidding me?!

232

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Listen to yourself.

233

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You're getting a little scary right now.

234

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Okay, fine, you want to see the kid,

235

00:09:43,530 --> 00:09:44,424

we'll go see the kid.

236

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Thank you.

237

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Is that so hard?

238

00:09:54,897 --> 00:09:57,388

Charlie... the road.

239

00:10:02,548 --> 00:10:03,393

Please.

240

00:10:08,774 --> 00:10:10,116

You know, when you have kids,

241

00:10:10,139 --> 00:10:12,368

you find that there's

a deep spiritual connection.

242

00:10:12,382 --> 00:10:14,986

You feel an actual tug

when your child needs you.

243

00:10:15,911 --> 00:10:16,686

Interesting.

244

00:10:16,971 --> 00:10:18,973

What do you feel

when your brother hates you?

245

00:10:21,295 --> 00:10:23,203

Alan. Is everything okay?

246

00:10:23,457 --> 00:10:24,265

Oh, yeah, fine.

247

00:10:24,266 --> 00:10:25,714

I just need to see Jake for a minute.

248

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He's feeling a tug.

249

00:10:27,397 --> 00:10:28,267

Tug?

250

00:10:28,662 --> 00:10:30,336

Or it could be gas. We're not sure.

251

00:10:32,685 --> 00:10:33,917

Could you just call Jake?

252

00:10:34,250 --> 00:10:36,716

Jake! Your father's here!

253

00:10:37,158 --> 00:10:38,777

Put that down, Timmy!

254

00:10:39,201 --> 00:10:40,004

What?

255

00:10:40,099 --> 00:10:42,119

I just wanted to see if you were okay.

256

00:10:44,092 --> 00:10:46,179

Oh, great. Now I'm dead! Thanks a lot!

257

00:10:47,129 --> 00:10:49,583

Doesn't count!

I was talking to my stupid dad!

258

00:10:52,047 --> 00:10:55,124

Well, it seems like you've got

everything under control.

259

00:10:55,154 --> 00:10:57,215

Actually, I ran out of ice cream.

260

00:10:57,258 --> 00:11:00,082

Do you think you could keep an eye

on the kids for a few minutes?

261

00:11:00,093 --> 00:11:00,470

Uh...

262

00:11:00,506 --> 00:11:02,361

Thanks a million. I'll be right back.

263

00:11:14,457 --> 00:11:15,995

She ain't coming back.

264

00:11:17,427 --> 00:11:19,240

Three hours she was gone.

265

00:11:21,495 --> 00:11:25,769

And when she finally came back

she was reeking of Old Spice and pot.

266

00:11:26,415 --> 00:11:27,362

I see.

267

00:11:27,462 --> 00:11:29,083

And she didn't even have any ice cream!

268

00:11:30,546 --> 00:11:31,579

All right,

269

00:11:31,785 --> 00:11:36,920

let's stop here for a minute and talk

in general about your feelings towards women.

270

00:11:37,015 --> 00:11:37,801

No, thanks.

271

00:11:39,548 --> 00:11:41,251

-Rather discuss your childhood?

-Nope.

272

00:11:41,372 --> 00:11:42,481

-Father?

-Dead.

273

00:11:42,528 --> 00:11:43,550

-Mother?

-Killed him.

274

00:11:45,295 --> 00:11:46,642

Would you like to discuss that?

275

00:11:46,689 --> 00:11:47,662

We just did.

276

00:11:48,705 --> 00:11:51,098

Charlie, I'm not sure

we're on the same page here.

277

00:11:51,615 --> 00:11:53,446

Have you ever been in therapy before?

278

00:11:54,091 --> 00:11:55,855

Does massage therapy count?

279

00:11:56,734 --> 00:11:57,403

No.

280

00:11:58,435 --> 00:11:59,680

It's almost the same thing.

281

00:12:00,121 --> 00:12:01,476

One on one with

a strange woman

282

00:12:01,477 --> 00:12:04,056

who charges you for an hour

then only gives you 50 minutes.

283

00:12:06,695 --> 00:12:08,410

Why don't we just go back to your story?

284

00:12:08,784 --> 00:12:10,550

Touch a nerve there, did I?

285

00:12:13,902 --> 00:12:15,464

Okay, okay.

286

00:12:15,487 --> 00:12:19,338

Well, Jake ignored his father

the entire time we were there, so

287

00:12:20,071 --> 00:12:22,502

Alan was a little upset

when we got back in the car.

288

00:12:22,525 --> 00:12:23,464

He hates me!

289

00:12:23,663 --> 00:12:25,009

My only son hates me!

290

00:12:26,365 --> 00:12:27,774

He doesn't hate you.

291

00:12:28,382 --> 00:12:30,294

He just didn't appreciate

you telling his friends that

292

00:12:30,329 --> 00:12:32,441

laser tag can induce

epileptic fits.

293

00:12:33,269 --> 00:12:34,346

Well, it can.

294

00:12:34,894 --> 00:12:35,974

Be that as it may,

295

00:12:36,010 --> 00:12:39,208

you probably could've gotten your point

across without flopping around on the floor,

296

00:12:39,244 --> 00:12:41,281

rolling your eyes up

and pretending to swallow your tongue.

297

00:12:42,357 --> 00:12:45,269

Hey, hey, a-a picture is worth a thousand...

298

00:12:48,150 --> 00:12:49,019

Charlie, stop the car.

299

00:12:49,657 --> 00:12:50,256

Why?

300

00:12:50,687 --> 00:12:52,469

I have to get out.

I... I'm feeling claustrophobic.

301

00:12:52,516 --> 00:12:54,548

-There's no place to stop.

-We have to stop!

302

00:12:55,621 --> 00:12:56,420

Where?

303

00:12:56,467 --> 00:12:58,498

I-I can't breathe! I can't breathe.

304

00:12:58,514 --> 00:12:59,437

I-I have to get out.

305

00:12:59,473 --> 00:13:00,828

I have to get out now, now, now, now!

306

00:13:00,931 --> 00:13:02,290

Okay, hold on, hold on.

307

00:13:06,718 --> 00:13:07,882

The seat belt won't come off.

308

00:13:08,136 --> 00:13:09,267

Just push the button.

309

00:13:09,302 --> 00:13:11,008

I can't, I can't.

It won't come off. Help me!

310

00:13:11,020 --> 00:13:12,464

Okay, okay, move your hands.

311

00:13:17,768 --> 00:13:18,250

Okay.

312

00:13:19,858 --> 00:13:20,962

It's passing.

313

00:13:21,303 --> 00:13:23,231

Yes, it's... Yes, I-I'm okay.

314

00:13:23,635 --> 00:13:24,504

No, you're not.

315

00:13:24,790 --> 00:13:25,189

What?

316

00:13:25,773 --> 00:13:26,383

Get out.

317

00:13:26,495 --> 00:13:27,698

-What?

-Get out now!

318

00:13:27,775 --> 00:13:29,447

Now, now, now, get out, get out!

319

00:13:37,738 --> 00:13:39,252

That's better.

320

00:13:47,279 --> 00:13:48,664

So you just left your brother

on the side of the road?

321

00:13:50,261 --> 00:13:51,975

He couldn't believe it, either.

322

00:13:53,855 --> 00:13:56,433

You should have seen his face

in the rearview mirror.

323

00:13:57,646 --> 00:14:00,745

All right, Charlie, we've been talking

for quite a while, and I got to tell you,

324

00:14:01,367 --> 00:14:03,833

I still don't understand why you came to see me.

325

00:14:04,291 --> 00:14:05,273

You in a hurry?

326

00:14:06,862 --> 00:14:09,729

Doesn't that undermine your whole pay

by the hour business model?

327

00:14:12,195 --> 00:14:12,817

Go ahead.

328

00:14:13,705 --> 00:14:14,480

Thank you.

329

00:14:15,284 --> 00:14:19,943

So, as I was driving away, I decided

I needed a little quiet time for, you know,

330

00:14:20,028 --> 00:14:21,826

reflection and meditation.

331

00:14:31,624 --> 00:14:32,034

Hey.

332

00:14:32,586 --> 00:14:33,232

Hey.

333

00:14:33,850 --> 00:14:34,890

What took you so long?

334

00:14:35,790 --> 00:14:37,523

I was sure you'd come back.

335

00:14:38,355 --> 00:14:39,107

Huh.

336

00:14:39,482 --> 00:14:41,815

I guess that's case closed

on the telepathy stuff.

337

00:14:44,442 --> 00:14:45,311

What are you drinking?

338

00:14:45,822 --> 00:14:46,528

I don't know.

339

00:14:46,919 --> 00:14:48,001

Something soothing.

340

00:14:48,740 --> 00:14:50,147

Uh, uh, Kahlua and cream?

341

00:14:50,614 --> 00:14:53,126

He's kidding. Give him a beer.

Must you always embarrass me?

342

00:14:54,670 --> 00:14:55,809

I've had a traumatic night.

343

00:14:55,845 --> 00:14:59,635

-I feel very exposed, vulnerable, confused...

-Yeah, yeah, okay, shut up, shut up, shut up.

344

00:15:02,536 --> 00:15:03,288

Hi.

345

00:15:03,861 --> 00:15:05,400

-Hi.

-Yeah, hi.

346

00:15:06,231 --> 00:15:07,542

Can we buy you ladies a drink?

347

00:15:07,988 --> 00:15:09,832

No, thanks. We're already pretty blitzed.

348

00:15:09,854 --> 00:15:10,763

Boy, are we blitzed.

349

00:15:12,319 --> 00:15:13,038

Perfect.

350

00:15:14,946 --> 00:15:16,362

I'm Charlie. This is Alan.

351

00:15:16,656 --> 00:15:17,739

-Amy.

-Beth.

352

00:15:18,353 --> 00:15:19,185

Nice to meet you.

353

00:15:19,663 --> 00:15:20,489

How's it going tonight?

354

00:15:20,764 --> 00:15:21,539

Pretty good.

355

00:15:21,851 --> 00:15:22,765

We're blitzed.

356

00:15:24,541 --> 00:15:26,678

-How about you?

-Yeah, how you doin'?

357

00:15:28,081 --> 00:15:29,736

Oh, boy. Where to start?

358

00:15:29,791 --> 00:15:31,094

No one's talking to you.

359

00:15:31,890 --> 00:15:33,088

What's the matter, Alan?

360

00:15:33,140 --> 00:15:34,314

Yeah, what's the matter?

361

00:15:34,669 --> 00:15:36,594

Well, you-you really want to know?

362

00:15:36,646 --> 00:15:38,583

They don't. Trust me, you really don't.

363

00:15:39,709 --> 00:15:43,008

Well, maybe it's a-a late reaction

to the divorce, uh,

364

00:15:43,051 --> 00:15:46,893

maybe it's my son not needing me so much

now that he's growing up, but...

365

00:15:47,832 --> 00:15:49,652

But I think...

I think it's more than that. I-I...

366

00:15:50,061 --> 00:15:51,284

I think it's just life...

367

00:15:51,941 --> 00:15:53,479

grinding me down, and I just...

368

00:15:53,969 --> 00:15:55,919

I don't think I can take it anymore.

369

00:15:56,367 --> 00:15:58,050

Oh, you poor baby.

370

00:15:58,170 --> 00:15:59,635

Poor, poor baby.

371

00:15:59,693 --> 00:16:00,910

Tell us all about it.

372

00:16:00,974 --> 00:16:02,292

Yeah, tell us.

373

00:16:02,436 --> 00:16:05,184

Well, I was never a happy child.

374

00:16:05,198 --> 00:16:07,452

Oh God, I was a miserable kid.

375

00:16:09,414 --> 00:16:12,889

And-And-And the only thing

that gave my life meaning was my son.

376

00:16:12,913 --> 00:16:14,557

At least you've got a son.

377

00:16:16,242 --> 00:16:17,357

I've got nothing

378

00:16:17,721 --> 00:16:18,437

except...

379

00:16:19,316 --> 00:16:20,321

epilepsy.

380

00:16:21,619 --> 00:16:24,020

-Oh, no.

-Yeah. Oh, no.

381

00:16:32,039 --> 00:16:32,995

So anyway,

382

00:16:33,394 --> 00:16:35,457

there I was on my wedding day

383

00:16:35,583 --> 00:16:38,395

in front of the priest and all our friends,

384

00:16:38,642 --> 00:16:41,208

flopping around on the altar

like an epileptic trout,

385

00:16:42,333 --> 00:16:43,897

when I heard her father say,

386

00:16:44,335 --> 00:16:45,701

"You can't marry this man.

387

00:16:46,190 --> 00:16:47,693

He's damaged goods."

388

00:16:48,092 --> 00:16:51,197

-Oh, gee.

-Yeah. Oh, gee.

389

00:16:52,019 --> 00:16:54,804

That's when I realized

that all the money in the world--

390

00:16:55,034 --> 00:16:56,092

and I do have a lot

391

00:16:57,926 --> 00:17:01,167

can't replace that special tug you feel...

392

00:17:03,078 --> 00:17:05,438

when someone loves you unconditionally.

393

00:17:05,460 --> 00:17:06,975

-Oh!

394

00:17:07,041 --> 00:17:10,000

-Look, that's the ocean.

-Ooh, the ocean.

395

00:17:10,019 --> 00:17:11,492

-Let's go skinny dipping.

-Yeah, skinny dipping.

396

00:17:11,518 --> 00:17:12,751

-You want to come?

-Yeah, come with us.

397

00:17:14,259 --> 00:17:15,572

I'd love to, but I'm

398

00:17:15,810 --> 00:17:17,971

too sad, and I might swallow my tongue.

399

00:17:18,696 --> 00:17:19,657

You two go.

400

00:17:20,010 --> 00:17:24,318

Swim, splash, frolic,

enjoy your healthy bodies.

401

00:17:24,608 --> 00:17:25,184

Okay.

402

00:17:25,219 --> 00:17:25,947

Bye.

403

00:17:27,755 --> 00:17:29,188

Have you no shame?

404

00:17:29,795 --> 00:17:30,500

Let me think.

405

00:17:30,616 --> 00:17:31,737

Nope. Just a tug.

406

00:17:32,576 --> 00:17:33,621

Now that's another thing.

407

00:17:33,655 --> 00:17:34,672

My angst is real.

408

00:17:34,679 --> 00:17:37,997

I-I do not appreciate you taking my tug

and using it to get in someone's pants.

409

00:17:38,096 --> 00:17:39,171

News flash, Alan

410

00:17:39,207 --> 00:17:40,817

they're already out of their pants.

411

00:17:42,108 --> 00:17:45,564

And they're gonna come back cold, wet,

and in desperate need of body heat.

412

00:17:45,585 --> 00:17:47,707

Which means for those of us

with normal skin temperature,

413

00:17:47,708 --> 00:17:49,365

it'll be a seller's market.

414

00:17:50,344 --> 00:17:51,146

You're unbelievable.

415

00:17:51,192 --> 00:17:52,316

No, I just think ahead.

416

00:17:52,824 --> 00:17:55,525

They're only gonna last about two seconds

in that water, so we have to hurry.

417

00:17:55,554 --> 00:17:58,120

I'll get the wine, you light some candles,

get a little ambiance going.

418

00:17:58,155 --> 00:17:59,572

I'm sorry, I'm really not in the mood.

419

00:18:00,869 --> 00:18:03,981

Are you saying that I have to get you

liquored up so I can get laid?

420

00:18:05,799 --> 00:18:08,384

All right, I'll go along,

but only as a favor to you.

421

00:18:08,736 --> 00:18:09,511

Thank you.

422

00:18:11,388 --> 00:18:12,797

I'm probably gonna have to apply the condom

423

00:18:12,823 --> 00:18:15,347

and get a rope and pulley

to lower one of those broads onto him.

424

00:18:18,930 --> 00:18:20,351

Since you're making me do this,

425

00:18:20,527 --> 00:18:21,396

I get Amy.

426

00:18:21,592 --> 00:18:22,792

The hell you do!

427

00:18:23,670 --> 00:18:24,624

Which one's Amy?

428

00:18:25,692 --> 00:18:27,911

Amy's the one who overcame

the eating disorder.

429

00:18:28,142 --> 00:18:29,886

Starving herself or throwing up?

430

00:18:30,745 --> 00:18:31,719

Does it make a difference?

431

00:18:33,373 --> 00:18:34,747

It does if you're paying for dinner.

432

00:18:35,161 --> 00:18:36,282

Amy is the brunette.

433

00:18:36,362 --> 00:18:38,051

Got it. So I have Jennifer.

434

00:18:38,493 --> 00:18:39,573

You mean Beth.

435

00:18:40,333 --> 00:18:41,707

Right, right, "B" for blonde.

436

00:18:42,696 --> 00:18:44,175

"B" can also be for brunette.

437

00:18:44,695 --> 00:18:45,920

But Amy's the brunette.

438

00:18:46,334 --> 00:18:48,023

So you could do "A" for anorexic.

439

00:18:48,749 --> 00:18:50,940

Unless it's "B" for bulimic.

440

00:18:51,864 --> 00:18:52,556

Good point.

441

00:18:52,713 --> 00:18:53,758

We're gonna need a new system.

442

00:18:55,243 --> 00:18:56,192

Do you smell something?

443

00:18:57,184 --> 00:18:58,640

Yeah, what is that?

444

00:19:05,811 --> 00:19:08,146

I think you do these things

just to piss me off.

445

00:19:12,092 --> 00:19:13,408

Oh my God, what happened?

446

00:19:13,438 --> 00:19:14,800

Well, while I was trying to put it out,

447

00:19:14,965 --> 00:19:16,997

my brother stupidly called

the fire department.

448

00:19:17,748 --> 00:19:18,946

Why was that stupid?

449

00:19:19,156 --> 00:19:21,312

Have you seen a Malibu fireman recently?

450

00:19:22,938 --> 00:19:23,913

They're all young,

451

00:19:23,948 --> 00:19:26,827

buff surfer dudes whippin'

their big hoses around.

452

00:19:29,103 --> 00:19:32,367

Amy and Beth jumped on their hook

and ladder like a couple of Dalmatians.

453

00:19:32,944 --> 00:19:34,071

I never saw 'em again.

454

00:19:35,294 --> 00:19:37,701

Ah yes, the Malibu fire department.

455

00:19:37,725 --> 00:19:41,272

I have several patients who compulsively

masturbate to their calendar.

456

00:19:41,805 --> 00:19:42,567

No kidding.

457

00:19:42,815 --> 00:19:43,672

Both sexes.

458

00:19:45,500 --> 00:19:46,384

So anyway, Charlie,

459

00:19:46,385 --> 00:19:49,596

I'm still not clear on what it is

you would like me to help you with.

460

00:19:49,639 --> 00:19:52,622

Uh, your anger issues, your sexual issues,

461

00:19:53,279 --> 00:19:55,216

-your drinking?

-No, no, no, no, that's all cool.

462

00:19:56,648 --> 00:19:59,818

Then tell me, why are you here?

463

00:20:00,233 --> 00:20:01,114

Okay. Well,

464

00:20:01,494 --> 00:20:04,213

I'm here to lay some groundwork

for the future.

465

00:20:04,600 --> 00:20:05,551

Some groundwork?

466

00:20:05,789 --> 00:20:06,419

Yeah.

467

00:20:06,501 --> 00:20:07,931

I've come to realize that there's

468

00:20:08,013 --> 00:20:10,737

a very good chance that

I might some day snap

469

00:20:10,770 --> 00:20:11,994

and kill my brother.

470

00:20:14,456 --> 00:20:17,814

And I figure, if I'm already

under a psychiatrist's care,

471

00:20:17,826 --> 00:20:19,950

then I can always

cop an insanity plea.

472

00:20:21,388 --> 00:20:24,418

You're thinking of killing your brother?

473

00:20:24,535 --> 00:20:26,038

Shh!

474

00:20:27,919 --> 00:20:30,525

Doctor-patient confidentiality.

475

00:20:38,325 --> 00:20:39,417

Where's the bottle opener?

476

00:20:39,676 --> 00:20:41,552

Check in the drawer by the coffee machine.

477

00:20:42,271 --> 00:20:43,988

Hey, what do you think of this

for the new drapes?

478

00:20:46,042 --> 00:20:47,052

Too small.

479

00:20:48,567 --> 00:20:50,321

I don't know. I think it's kind of cheerful.

480

00:20:50,724 --> 00:20:52,009

I'll put it in the maybe pile.

481

00:20:54,171 --> 00:20:55,474

You do that.

482

00:20:56,944 --> 00:20:59,192

You know, we're also gonna have

to reupholster the couch.

483

00:20:59,496 --> 00:21:00,208

You think?

484

00:21:00,269 --> 00:21:01,690

Well, there was a lot of water damage,

485

00:21:01,749 --> 00:21:02,893

which, quite frankly,

486

00:21:02,894 --> 00:21:05,464

I think was the result of the firemen

showing off for the girls.

487

00:21:06,182 --> 00:21:07,258

You could be right.

488

00:21:09,755 --> 00:21:10,354

You know,

489

00:21:10,452 --> 00:21:11,649

I-I just want to tell you,

490

00:21:11,650 --> 00:21:15,439

I-I really appreciate you stickin' by me

in the past couple of days, you know,

491

00:21:15,760 --> 00:21:17,213

pulling me out of my funk.

492

00:21:17,518 --> 00:21:19,104

You really are a great brother.

493

00:21:21,263 --> 00:21:22,425

I don't know what I'd do without you.

494

00:21:22,848 --> 00:21:24,609

I don't know what I'd do without you, either.

495

00:21:28,336 --> 00:21:29,228

But, golly,

496

00:21:29,826 --> 00:21:31,816

it's sure fun to think about.

497

00:21:33,601 --> 00:21:35,160

Synchro : Relaxx

498

00:21:35,366 --> 00:21:36,980

Trranscript : Raceman

499

00:21:37,074 --> 00:21:39,493

Corrections : Bouliii + nColas

500

00:21:39,916 --> 00:21:42,475